When emotions occur, we should name them first, see what emotion we are in and then find the reason for the occurrence of emotions.
For example—
I feel angry. The child is procrastinating and not finishing homework!
I feel aggrieved. I work so hard for family but the child is not sensible at all and let me worry about him or her so much.
I feel worried. What will happen in the future if the child does not study hard and has no self-control?
I feel self-condemned. I feel like that I haven’t taught my child well.
I feel helpless. I don’t know how to be good to my child.
We usually feel more than one emotion in one thing. We can name them first, tell ourselves what the emotion is and then ask ourselves why we feel the emotion.
For people who don’t usually pay attention to emotional reactions, it is not easy to do the two steps of “naming emotions” and “finding reasons” at once. Maybe it can be done after many attempts.
In the beginning, we can practice through reflections after our emotional reactions have calmed down. And then we can slowly advance the reflection process to be aware of the emotion during the outburst, and then to be aware of the emotion before the outburst.
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